https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/we-intuitively-understand-meaning-behind-touch-arm
“It’s common knowledge that we use more than speech to communicate. Our facial signals, hand gestures and tone of voice can communicate everything from anger or surprise to love and joy. And now a new study in Psychological Science reveals something perhaps even more remarkable: humans also have an intuitive — and quantifiable — language of ‘social touch’.”
This fascinating reprise of the findings needs to be examined in the light of our relationship with animals. This study included video analysis that identified the key features that were associated with the most successful communication of each of the six messages:
- attention
- calming
- gratitude
- happiness
- sadness
- love
How do we communicate these to another human?
The specifics of any communication depends heavily on the quality and nature of the relationship with the other person. Let’s say I need to get the attention of a total stranger ahead of me in line at the grocery checkout to let her know her cherry tomatoes have escaped their packaging and are rolling every which way as she puts other items on the conveyor belt.
I’d be an idiot if I yelled, “Oi! Your tomatoes!” while banging her backside with my shopping cart. It would get the job done, to be sure, and I’d have her attention. But what makes this such an offensive and unnecessarily harsh approach?
A loud voice and a physical assault with a shopping cart would do more than just gain her attention. I would startle her, possibly hurt her, definitely alarm her. While I’d have her attention, her emotional state would not be thoughtful, receptive, interested in what I was trying to tell her. Chances are very good she’d be scared or angry or defensive or even combative – or all of those! Escaping cherry tomatoes hardly warrant that response.
If my approach was to use a quiet, calm voice, “Excuse me, miss? Your tomatoes are escaping” things might go differently. Including my quiet voice might not even register! In real life, I am so loathe to bother a stranger that I often speak too quietly for fear of offending them. My own concern about the interaction can make me ineffective in communicating, though I practice whenever out in public as situations arise.
I might add a very light, very brief touch on a neutral part of the body, such as the shoulder or arm, pairing it with a smile and (hopefully) the right volume and tone of voice. If possible, I might also step into the person’s peripheral vision, thus adding three sensory inputs to my communication: auditory, visual and kinesthetic (touch).
With an unknown other party, I err to the side of ineffective communication that is simply not received. Better that I repeat myself with some adjustments than provide an over-the-top communication which might actually block their ability to process the message.
But that is also contingent upon my own state of mind and emotions. If what is flowing out of the woman’s grocery cart is a substance to which I am deathly allergic, my fear might shape my communication to be more abrupt, intense, loud or defensive than is necessary. Of course, I might be wearing my white silk pants and angry thinking what the spillage of grape juice will do to them. (Please insert laughter here at the thought that I would even own white pants, never mind silk ones!)
Watching animals interact with each other, whether that’s the same species or interspecies, you will see a wide range of communications. Some are effective. And effective does not always mean subtle or gentle; it does mean clear. Just like people, some animals are brilliant communicators, with all of their conversations seemingly perfectly pitched for the moment and the other being’s state of mind. Adjustments are so fast that only slowed down video or keen observation will even catch the tiny hitch in the feedback loop as the communicator makes a change to better suit the recipient.
Well measured communications are possible when we have a good read on the other and how they take in what is being communicated, as well as how they might respond. RCT (Relationship Centered Training) puts communication as one of the 3 pillars of our interactions with others. It is often an echo of Cool Hand Luke – “What we have here is a failure to communicate” – that creates conflict between dogs and people. It is a trainers’ job to figure out how to open up the lines, create clarity, congruity, consistency.
With the current polarized world of dog trainers where one extreme believes that any use of touch equals an aversive interaction, I would urge all to remember that touch is powerful communication. Our dogs and horses and other animals know this; they seek it and they avoid it, they provide it and they withdraw it, they use to deepen bonds and caretake and soothe and nurture and reassure, and they also use touch to warn, to resolve conflict, to back up threats, to provide consequences.
The quality of our relationships depends – always – on our intent and our abilities to make our intent manifest. Few things are as upsetting as intending to communicate one thing and ending up alarming, scaring, annoying, angering or frustrating another being. It is inevitable, of course, that we will do that. As the Cuban proverb says, “In every head, a world.”
So, how would you use touch to communicate with the animals in our lives? What are the overlap and similarities of how we communicate with people? What about other species?
How do you touch a mouse, a cat, a parrot, a turtle, a pig, a horse, a dog, a cow, a chicken, a child, a person, a stranger with the intent to communicate:
- attention
- calming
- gratitude
- happiness
- sadness
- love
And how do you know the message you intended to send was actually received and understood?
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